Atsushi Nakajima (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
beneathmoonlight) wrote2018-01-25 11:09 am
beneathmoonlight) wrote2018-01-25 11:09 am
Inbox: Atsushi Nakajima
Atsushi Nakajima
Atsushi Nakajima here! Sorry I missed you! Please leave a message or voicemail and I’ll get back to you ASAP! ^_^
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2/26
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Yeah, why?
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I was feeling uneasy about the advice I have been giving.
Even adults have moments when they feel that way.
So I wanted to make certain that someone who has expectations of me is well.
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I think the advice you give is really useful, actually, and I’m not just saying that.
That’s why I always come to you when I regain a memory. I like to hear your thoughts.
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You wouldn't lie to me, Atsushi.
[ He breathes out a sigh as he writes that. The tone of those words are -- ]
It's nice that you put so much worth on my thoughts.
I don't think much of them myself, lately.
There have been a lot of intrusive thoughts.
While I live my life by moral or social obligations, I don't desire to hurt anyone.
I feel so long as I tell you this that regardless of what happens, you'll remember it, right?
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Intrusive thoughts?
Do you want to talk about them?
I think it’s best not to bottle that stuff up inside.
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So I don't have anything to worry about.
And I suppose I have asked you to share your troubles with me.
So it's only fair.
With my thoughts...
It's mostly the sharpness of them.
I recognize if someone continues down the path they're going that the likelihood that they'll encounter misfortune will increase dramatically.
I can imagine it suddenly as I am talking to them.
They're troubling to say the least.
I don't recall ever having such thoughts about people and their actions.
Naturally, I want to do what I can to prevent such happenings, but the fact that my thoughts go immediately to such negativity is distressing to me.
They're usually at more acceptable levels of cynicism and gloom, haha.
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Even if your mind jumps to bad things, at least you still want to help.
Plus, intrusive thoughts aren’t something you have much control over.
I’m sorry that they’ve been bothering you lately, Shigaraki-san.
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I think it would be detrimental if what I thought were to happen.
But at the same time, even if something bad does happen, the end result may help the person come to terms with something they've been incapable of accepting.
In short, my thoughts are asking me to continue to maintain the status quo, protect, or allow whatever will be to be.
Still it is only imaginings. It is not as though it will happen as I think.
It'd say it is all right, but that is also a lie.
But I appreciate the concern that you show me.
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You should do what you think is best for you.
Sometimes bad things happen that help us become better people.
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And that is right.
If everything always worked out, it would hardly be considered a life.
We learn best through adversity.
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I can tell you don’t want bad things to happen to anyone.
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It seems I allowed my unease to get the better of me.
I am merely worried about thoughts, in the end.
Not my physical body.
Not powers.
Not wishes.
When I put it that way, it seems foolish to be so fixated on only what I am thinking.
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But I think if you focus on your actions or words, then it doesn’t matter.
Anyway, I hope I don’t sound like I know everything, Shigaraki-san. Those are just my feelings.
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If anything, you speak truthfully and with kindness.
You're willing to see something good in me while I am nervous.
That alone means I have done something worthwhile in my moments of panic.
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I’m here anytime you want to talk.
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But you're welcome.
I'll keep that in mind, Atsushi.