beneathmoonlight | Inbox: Atsushi Nakajima

[ ... oh.

peeking in the goody bag and eyes widening in surprise, john hadn't really expect something so... thoughtful? he doesn't dare to expect things from people, either, but maybe should've figured since atsushi is so gosh darned nice. looking back up again, his smile turns a bit sheepish. ]

... You know, you really didn't have to. But thanks!

[ beat. ]

I didn't get you anythin'.

[Atsushi shakes his head, smiling.]

Oh, please don’t worry! I wasn’t expecting anything in return!

[Everybody gets a goody bag from Atsushi for every holiday. It’s the law.]

I couldn’t not want to try the recipe after we talked about sunflowers being edible.

[He glances down at the ground for a second, his smile fading a bit.]

A lot stuff happened in the fishing village. Has Howard-san talked to you about it at all?

... That was a joke.

[ god what an asshole. one day john will realize he's Not Funny but today isn't that day. at least atsushi took it well. ]

[ he pulls a little baggy from one of his pockets. nothing nice, but inside are tiny tiny tiny... what almost look like specks of dirt. there's a folded notecard in there, too, covered in his scratchy handwriting. john offers it. ]

Strawberry seeds, so you can grow your own. [ through the baggy, he taps the notecard. ] Even included instructions so, you know, they can actually get to growin'.

[ annnd as for the question-- ]

He mentioned a bit! Why, what's up?

[Atsushi is the easiest person in the world to fool. Poor guy.

He blinks in surprise before another big, beaming smile makes its way to his lips, and his eyes sparkle as he takes the baggie of seeds from John. This is one of the most thoughtful gifts he’s ever received, and he looks extremely pleased to have gotten anything at all.]

Thank you, John-san! I promise I’ll take good care of them!

[He’s good at following instructions; he kind of has to be as a baker, after all.]

Oh...um. Well. Basically he didn’t agree with us trying to save the town, but I kind of understand why. I just wish that didn’t put us on opposite sides.

Don't mention it; you caught me in a givin' mood.

[ plus spreading the joy!!! of growing things!!! the instructions are fairly detailed (thank goodness for atsushi's baking background, yes), and he did use some technical terms, so hopefully the other man feels as if he can ask for clarification on any of those by now, if needed. ]

[ but at that last statement, john's expression becomes more thoughtful. he rubs his chin. ]

Well, I mean, everyone's bound to have disagreements from time to time? [ hm. ] ... Wait, you guys actually in the midst of war or somethin'?

[Atsushi will show them off proudly should they grow into healthy fruit.]

Huh? Oh, no, nothing like that! It’s more like...moral sides? Sorry, I’m not good at explaining things, but basically Howard-san doesn’t agree with saving the town.

[And Atsushi is starting to agree with him...how terrible...

He looks down at the tiny seeds in the bag with a sad expression. A self-deprecating thought crosses his mind that maybe he doesn’t deserve to be the one to breathe life into these plants when people like John exist...]

I’m not saying any of this because I think Howard-san is a bad person or anything. He has a point about the town being unsettling at times, but...

[Atsushi sighs before tucking the seeds carefully away in his pocket.]

Anyway. We’re here to relax and forget about that stuff for a while, and here I am bringing it up again. Sorry, John-san.

[Atsushi smiles at John despite the darker turn in conversation.]

Did you want to do a nature walk?

Edited 2018-02-16 11:50 (UTC)

[ john nods agreement, yes, their nature walk would be nice-- but he doesn't yet move to get up, shelving the idea for now. ]

... Well, if you're bringin' it up again, it must really upset you.

[ which may or may not be a fair guess; there's a light shrug at the apology.

he won't press, certainly, as he himself isn't quite a fan of others prying into unwelcome topics (particularly recognizing as a rift between howard and atsushi isn't his business to stick his nose into), but he'll admit to some curiosity as to atsushi's thought process here. ]

You wish you could do more 'bout that, or what?

Edited (words) 2018-02-16 16:16 (UTC)

[Atsushi, you absolute fool. Everything would’ve been peachy keen if you hadn’t opened your big mouth...]

Ah...I just... [He shifts uncomfortably.] I don’t think it’s right to destroy the town and uproot people’s lives for a resort...

[He sighs, gaze falling to the ground.]

Howard-san thinks the town and the people are too bright and happy, and it makes him uncomfortable. And I get that, I really do, but...but why not just...I don’t know, not help or hurt? Instead of helping the man who’s trying to destroy it.

[He’s not sure if he should really say this next part.]

And...I tried to help by being negative around Howard-san so he wouldn’t be suffocated by too many positive people, and it blew up in my face.

Edited 2018-02-16 16:20 (UTC)

[ ... it's not something that precisely sits well with john, either, put like that. in fact, the idea of that being the situation makes him feel nauseous. images of banks forcing poor people from land they've always cherished as their homes. images of a man that steinbeck only remembers as being arrogance, aggression, and greed, leering over the city of yokohama. i will definitely take that town. john doesn't think he's felt so much hatred, even if only through the eyes of someone else, in his life. ]

[ mm. he doubts atsushi empathized in that manner— it's clear that he's just one of those good people, and it makes his mouth press into a thin line. ]

[ but john wasn't there, nor will he be. he can only take what howard's told him as genuine. ]

You guys have different priorities, that's all. [ a pause. his tone is reserved, gaze sweeping over atsushi as he further takes in the boy's demeanor. ] Dunno if it's somethin' you should beat yourself up on over 'bout?

[ he fingers lift to brush against his bangs before he leans forward to rest his elbows atop his knees. the last statement has him furrowing his brows in confusion for a few reasons. ]

How'd it "blow up"?

Because I lied to him, thinking that it would make him feel better. [A long, exhausted sigh.] He’s already forgiven me for it, but what kind of person lies to their friends? Even if I thought it would help...

[The breeze ruffles Atsushi’s hair, and suddenly he feels all too chilled.]

I’m sorry, John-san. I’ve already ruined what was supposed to be a good time.

[He’s just so, so tired of messing up...]

Maybe one day I’ll be able to fight like some of the others. Helping out is just easier that way.

Edited 2018-02-18 02:46 (UTC)

You haven't ruined anythin', Atsushi. [ firmly. ] Still a beautiful day outside.

[ what kind of person lies to their friends? ]

[ ... no, he wouldn't lie in that manner. but others, perhaps. ... and if they're really set to have a good time here, john's decided that it's best if he doesn't reflect on that issue too much, here. he can inquire, sure-- but genuinely sympathizing more than he already has could prove problematic to that, so... ]

[ he won't. ]

[ he hopes atsushi's found someone better suited to discussing these topics. hopping to his feet, gift in hand, he allows himself a stretch. ]

If he's already forgiven you, what more do you wanna do?

[Once again Atsushi finds himself being comforted and reassured by someone rather than dealing with things on his own like he should...

When will he stop being so pathetic?]

...thank you, John-san.

[Atsushi stands up as well, stretching like a cat in the midday sun. It’s best to just leave these things behind, anyway, so he’s more than ready to actually go for a walk.]

Do you wanna stay in the park? Or go to the forest? I’m fine either way.

[There’s plenty of flowers and trees to look at here, anyway.]

Whatever you’d like to do.

[ ... that went better than he thought it would. apparently. john gives a nod at the thanks, even if he doesn't think he was all too proactively helpful. if his words have helped somehow, then he guesses they've helped somehow. ]

[ he takes a glance to either side of the path, clutching the gift gingerly beneath his arm. he lifts a hand to scratch at his chin. ]

Well, if you're fine either way, even if I'd like to hear your preference—

[ it's supposed to be a good time for atsushi, too!! he shoves his free hand into a pocket, nodding and making a move to start down a path. ]

Strollin' through the park's good. You like dogs any? [ the irony. ] There's a dog park here, too.

I love dogs.

[He loves most animals, really, except insects, so he follows John down the path, not really caring where they’re going as long as he gets to walk there with his friend.]

Can I ask you something kind of personal, John-san? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.

[As if that wouldn’t pique his curiousity.]

It’s about memories...

Oh, good.

[ to the dog park they go, then! ]

[ ... as out of the blue that that topic is, there's something of a pause on john's part. it's never been a pleasant thing. but he remains smiling, tone light: ]

Memories, sure. What's up?

Do you...ever get happy ones?

[Atsushi still seems cheerful enough, hands clasped behind his back as they walk along, and oh goodness, there’s puppies in the dog park...]

I just...haven’t gotten any yet. Happy memories, I mean.

[ there are indeed puppies! john holds open the gate for atsushi, mindful of letting any of the dogs free. dogs everywhere... curious and friendly ones, too, that bound right up, tails a-waggin'.

before he thinks to let any sniff at his hand before petting, though-- he hums at that inquiry, considering. because he actually has to reflect-- which memories came when, how long was it before... ]

... It was seven months, before I remembered my other self bein' happy in one. In a good way.

[ he'll crouch, then, to gently pat a dog on the head. ]

So! Reckon it's hit or miss; sometimes the happy memories are all people get, you know? Haha. And still, I bet there are people that have been on the app since its launch and have yet to get a single one. The former's almost more difficult to believe.

Oh my gosh, they’re all so cute!!

[Atsushi is immediately bombarded with canines seeking affection, and he laughs when his face gets a big, long lick from a massive Great Dane. Dogs truly are wonderful creatures.]

Yeah. I shouldn’t give up on ever getting a happy memory.

[He scratches behind a pomeranian’s ears with a big, bright smile.]

Maybe my other self turned his life around too.

[He only knows that he was orphaned and alone on the streets, but what became of him after that is a mystery.]

Did your other self like plants too?

[ —admittedly, it is a little nice to see someone light up so much like that. it's contagious, nearly. john chuckles in response, giving the poodle mix that's intent on invading his personal space more scratches behind the ears.

of course, he can keep up any airs here, even if atsushi's comment does stir... morbid curiosity, a sense that it's not his business, and... an immediate, kickback response of don't get your hopes too high.

he hums. ]

Yeah, it's definitely possible. [ lightly; curious or not, he won't press unless atsushi feels like elaborating. ] You haven't been on the app long, right? —Might be too early to tell.

[ the poodle's flopping onto its back now, showing its belly. geez, what a glutton for attention. the question garners a nod. ]

He did! Geez, reckon he yammered on 'bout 'em more than I do, haha. More knowledgeable, too... Makes me realize that, even if I know a lot, I still got a lot to learn.

Yeah, maybe I should give it more time. And I think you already know way more about plants than most people.

[Atsushi really is having fun, but he can’t help but want to share some of the memories he experienced, perhaps in search of some kind of solidarity. But would it it ruin the happy mood that’s settled between them now? He’d already ruined it once earlier, in his mind, so maybe he shouldn’t say anything...]

I do remember saving someone from drowning. That’s good, right?

[So much for not sharing.]

Edited 2018-02-26 15:21 (UTC)

[ oh. ]

Well! If bad would be the opposite, in pushin' their head down 'til they stop strugglin'-- yeah, sounds as if that would be a good thing.

[ probably!

he inclines his head, offering a broader smile. even if john doesn't willingly include himself in within the criteria, he does realize it's natural that people would want to share their memories with others. so. ]

You were a nice person, then... like you are now, yeah? I'd hope that'd make you feel at least somewhat better 'bout things; and, hopefully, you'll get more memories of helpin' people out.

[That’s a funny joke...kind of...very morbidly funny...Atsushi will just...nod. Besides, John has a really, really nice smile...]

Ah...maybe. All I can do is hope the rest are good memories.

[So many doggies, so little time. Atsushi makes sure to pet each and every one of them at least once.

He wonders what kind of memories John has experienced, but he’s afraid to ask. Those seem deeply personal, after all, and if John wanted to share he probably would have by now.]

Do you want to go anywhere after this, John-san? We could get ice cream or something.

[He’s not ready to go just yet, but he won’t force John to hang out all day, either.]

Edited 2018-02-26 22:00 (UTC)

[ atsushi, what a man for rolling with that ]

[ wanna see him make things REALLY AWKWARD? because in this instance, john can feel it in his bones when he has to explain in situations like this-- not that he feels shame, far from, but.. ]

Ah, I like ice cream as much as the next guy, but I don't often eat out like that.

[ mostly truth; there have been exceptions. ]

Lil' strapped for cash, that's all.

Oh...I’m sorry, I didn’t know.

[Awkward indeed. If Atsushi offers to pay it’ll look like he pities John or something, which couldn’t be further from the truth. He feels for him, but he knows what it’s like to not have a cent in your name, and pity never helps.]

That’s fine. We can just hang out here until it gets dark. The stars might be out later!

[He hugs his knees to his chest.]

Do you like the ocean at all? Going to the beach is always fun, too. Maybe not today, but someday...

[A shy smile.]

If you want to hang out again after this, I mean.

[ ... mm.

atsushi is-- trying. a lot. john's not really frankly sure why, or what for, just that he's chalked it up to something of his personality. his eyelids hood a moment as suggestions are thrown this way and that, and he has to think on a few of those. for now, he mirrors his companion, sitting himself with care onto the grass so as to make himself more comfortable. ]

Atsushi. You've done nothin' wrong; I'm gonna wanna hang out with you again. I haven't been to the beach in a real long time, but I wouldn't mind goin' for a walk on it whenever.

[ his expression is even a bit warmer now, perhaps. ]

As for stars, yeah— I love them. Harder to see near the city, but off a bit in the forest and by the lake, it's pretty. If you wanna see, I'll definitely show you there.

Inbox: Atsushi Nakajima

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